Confessions of the Vain and Superficial
by Marshie12
Summary: Nick wants Sam. Sam wants Ryan. Kelly wants Ryan. Bobby wants Dana. Dana wants everyone. And Ryan has no clue who he wants. A modern Mansfield… in high school. Beware the rating.
1. Nick

_Before you say anything, I'll have you know that this is a story that has been completed. It's all the way written and only six short chapters long, so you can't be angry at me for starting another story when this story has been finished._

_Now. For this story I demand a warning. __**IF YOU ARE SQEAMISH: DO NOT READ THIS!!! **__This is a very unforgiving tale. It's raw and disturbing at times, but, sadly enough, every character is based off of real-life people. Sorry. I'm going into the minds of the warped and twisted. "Cruel Intentions" style. There is cursing. There is lewd sexual conduct. But most of all, there is high school. A hell of a lot of high school. The part of High School that we keep hidden from our parents._

_Read on, but __**BE WARNED**_

_**Confessions of the Vain and Superficial**_

_Chapter 1: Nick_

When I first saw Sam I'm pretty sure that my jaw hit the ground. I was at the girls' volleyball game watching the varsity team stretch in those god-given spandex.

Well Sam walks in with that one awkward girl she's friends with and smiles up at the crowd of guys (for only guys pay to attend volleyball games, hence the genius of the spandex) and settles right next to Ryan Something-or-other. Oh man. She had one of those shocking smiles. And a great hair-flip. And, more than anything, an amazing ass.

I was suddenly in love. OK, well not in love, but I was determined to feel her up in the back seat of my car. I bet that ass would look great in one of those pairs of spandex.

Anyway she and her awkward friend were sitting there with Ryan and Bobby and neither of the guys seemed to understand the goddess that was sitting beside them. There was something about Sam. She looked innocent. Innocent is hardly an adjective applicable to senior girls anymore. I wanted desperately to corrupt her.

I was sitting there rifling through my mental list of pick-up lines to help me pick up that ass, when suddenly one just hit me over the head like a stripper that just fell off her pole.

"Hey baby, how'd you get into those pants? Don't you think it'd be easier to take them off?"

Ryan and the awkward friend (Kayla? I can't remember her name) laughed at me. Sam just turned up her nose.

"Ew Nick. What do you want?" she asked snottily. I liked them feisty. I liked them innocent. Sam was obviously the perfect girl for me.

"What's up, Nick?" Ryan asked. Normal kids would have sounded exasperated, but not Ryan. Ryan was too nice to ever sound anything but friendly.

"To take this lovely girl out on a date." I responded to Ryan without even looking at him. As far as the four of them knew, I only had eyes for Sam. Or at least Sam's butt. Unfortunately, she was sitting on it. (Yeah right. Like I'd actually said "lovely girl.")

"Uh, ye-_ah_, right." Sam's snottiness only seemed to strengthen my drive. No matter what she said, it would only be a matter of time until she was mine and that precious ass was bare and pressed against my rear window. I'm not going to lie; it wouldn't be the first ass to do so.

"Why don't you just take _yourself_ out on a date?" that Kiely girl asked. "In the end you're the only person that would even think about touching your nasty ass." Wow. I was not expecting that from the awkward friend. Most awkward friends just bite their tongues and wish it was them I was asking out. Kirsten was obviously more than your average awkward friend.

"Au contraire. I have plenty of girls that could claim their place on my wall of conquests," I replied, but I still only had eyes for Sam. That's how you woo a girl. It's all about the eye contact.

"Yes, I'm sure plenty _could_ claim such a feat, but how many _would_?"

Ahg, this awkward friend was harder to shake than an STD. I chose to let that last comment lie as Ryan and Bobby tittered. I didn't care what Ryan and Bobby thought. I cared what Sam thought, and at the moment Sam had one eyebrow seductively quirked and was meeting my husky eye contact head-on. If life was a game of hide and seek, this Sam girl would play very well. And she'd probably play naked. I've always felt that hide and seek should be played naked. Think of the joy you'd feel when you found people.

Bobby was eyeing me over Sam's shoulder. "Nick? Are you thinking about naked hide and seek again? You know that that game would only be fun if you-" Oh yes! Bobby finally realized that no one cared what he had to say and shut up. Oh wait, never mind. It was just Dana.

"Hel-_lo _losers." Dana sat on the end of the bleacher, right next to Ryan, her twin brother. "I can't _believe_ that Coach Drier tried to charge me to get into this stupid game. I had to flash him a little nipple just to get in."

Ryan seemed horrified by such a confession. Sam and I were still locked in a sexy staring contest. Bobby was still choking on his own words due to the presence of his secret love. Awkward Friend pulled out a book and began to read.

…I have really good peripheral vision.

"Why would you tell me that?" Ryan asked as he slapped Bobby on his back to help him regain his composure and ability to breathe. I was estimating another five seconds before Sam jumped me right here in the middle of the school gym.

Suddenly a great crash signified a kill made by the giant girl in the middle of the court and the awkward friend gave a great cheer. Odd. I'd forgotten she was there.

"Sor-_ry _Ryan. I just, like, wasn't going to pay that much to watch slutty girls run around in tiny shorts." Dana licked her puckered lips and began making eyes with the football quarterback across the gym. Twenty seconds later and she'd disappeared. Thirty seconds later the quarterback had too.

"Won't pay for it, and yet she forces us to witness it," Awkward Friend muttered as Dana left. Ryan shrugged and made a disapproving look at her. Awkward Friend blushed and hid behind her book.

Finally it was my chance. I quirked my own eyebrow at Sam. Sam licked her lips and my eyes rolled back in anticipation. Suddenly, just when I thought a trip out to my car was imminent, Sam smiled half-way and shook her head ever so slightly. Tonight was not going to be my night. That little tease.

But tomorrow would be a whole other story.

* * *

"Your AP exam is in exactly two weeks." Why the hell was I taking AP classes again? Oh right. I'm a fucking genius. "So to prep you guys for the exams I'm splitting you into pairs. 'Study Buddies' if you will." No. I _will_ not. I laughed under my breath. Mrs. Blink, my AP Lit teacher, glared at me. "Nick, I'll take it that you'd like to go first."

I smiled. "Sure, why the hell not?" I scanned over the room of nerds and dorks, although it was all for show. I knew exactly who I was going to pick. "I'll take Sam."

Sam had that sexy eyebrow up again and with a legendary hair-flip; I was pretty sure I was in.

"Mr. Murdoch, I think you're confused." Mrs. Blink came over to me and towered above me, smiling wickedly. What an evil slut. Yeah "_slut_." I'm not going to lie. I'd probably do Mrs. Blink. "_I'm_ the one that chooses your partners."

Oh Mrs. Blink _so_ wanted me.

I grinned and held out my hands in surrender. "Be my guest."

Mrs. Blink scanned over her roster for the class and her eye lit on a particular name that I couldn't read. "Kelly," she sighed with wicked fury. "Meet your new partner."

I looked around. Kelly? Who the hell was Kelly? We didn't have a Kelly in this class.

The awkward friend stood up and hid her murderous glare behind her hair. I sensed that she wasn't too fond of Mrs. Blink. How could anyone not like Mrs. Blink? She had amazing cleavage.

"Hello," Kelly (not Keily) sighed as she plopped down heavily into the desk beside where I was standing still staring hopefully at Sam. She threw all her books onto her desk and I saw the legs of the chair bending from the stress of the weight. It wasn't that Kelly was particularly fat, although she did have some extra softness around the waist; it was that her boobs were so huge they probably weighed forty pounds each. They were almost drool-worthy. How did I not notice them before?

Mrs. Blink announced the rest of the pairs. I was mad to see that Sam was partnered with Ryan Hutch who was the only threat to the plans I had in store for her. I did notice a couple of satisfactory hair-flips in my direction and a constant stream of eye fucking. I was pretty pissed that she was partnered with Ryan. He's basically my only competition. AP kids? They're about as attractive as my mother's saggy breasts.

Speaking of breasts, Kelly: the talking boobs, did not seem too excited by the prospect of being partnered with me. "So have you looked at chapter four yet?" she asked blandly. I think she was just making small talk. Secretly I could see the way she kept her hands clutched over her Steinbeck novel and that she was merely itching to go back to the literary world.

I coughed. Chapter four? I don't even have a text book. "Um, no I haven't gotten to chapter four."

Kelly sighed. "I thought as much."

I didn't strictly appreciate the assumption, but it was true so I decided not to protest. Plus, Sam had just shot me a particularly sultry look and I was consumed with trying to return her ferocity. I'd assumed Sam was innocent. Holy shit was I wrong.

"So do you want to study together? Or just sit there and have eye sex with Sam all day?"

My head snapped back to Big Boobs McGee. "Huh?" Did she just say what I think she said? Or is my head so full of Sam that I'm imagining things?

"Listen," she commanded, turning in her desk so that she was facing me straight on. I briefly glimpsed down her shirt. Not bad. Not bad at all. "I'm not going to fuck around with you. I plan on passing this exam, so if you're just going to fuck off and make googly eyes with Princess Easy, I'd prefer you to tell me now so that I don't even bother trying."

I chuckled. Holy shit. She wasn't kidding. There's obviously more to this Kelly girl than meets the eye. I would have told her so, but Sam had just given me a wink and a finger lick. My attention wandered away from Kelly, who rolled her eyes and shoved her face back into Steinbeck. "Fine with me," she muttered as she found her page in the book. "She's not going to give you any, anyway."

Well, at least we found a balance.

* * *

I was sitting in the cafeteria, watching Bobby drool over Dana as she tried to seduce Clint Black. Little did she know that Clint Black was a "no seduction required" kind of guy… It wasn't long before Bobby was drooling over a Dana who was no longer sitting beside him in the cafeteria, but probably unzipping Clint's pants in the dressing room behind the auditorium. I know this, because I'd once been in Clint's shoes- so excited that this amazing girl was going to fool around with me. But Dana's like a robot, only programmed for one thing and one thing only. Bobby was drooling over a girl that didn't even exist.

I turned my attention to the other people at Bobby's table. Ryan was drumming out a beat against the table-top, while the surprising Kelly hummed along and bobbed her head. They were such dorks. Where was my bootilicious little fuck-buddy? Where the hell was Sam?!

"Meet me in the girl's gym bathroom in three minutes," I heard a voice whisper in my ear. It made the hairs on the back of my neck, and other anatomy, stand up in anticipation. That wasn't who I think it was… was it? I whirled around to see the round bottom of the illustrious Sam swaying as she walked away with only one hasty wink to keep me preoccupied for the next three minutes.

Hell yeah. It was on.

I hastily jumped out of my seat and raced across the cafeteria. "Hey Kelly," I said as soon as I got to her table in the cafeteria. Ryan stopped drumming and Kelly ceased all movement. "Looks like you were wrong. Someone's lips are about to get a little action."

"Kissing? Big deal," Bobby growled. He was obviously very perturbed by the mysterious disappearance of Dana.

"Oh." I quirked a smile. "I didn't mean _those_ kinds of lips."

I turned away, heading directly for the gym bathrooms, but not before I heard a satisfactory disgusted grunt from Kelly. Yep, that was _so_ worth it.

Now for Sam. Let's put that amazing ass to work.

* * *

_This is Mansfield Park... only twisted. I think by the end, if you see if yet, you'll realize which characters are which. _

_And I expect mildly horrified reviews. A whole new voice comes through in this story. _

_Sneak Peek: The next chapter will be told through Sam. Really want to read it? Review. At least ten reviews, I should think, before an update..._


	2. Sam

_Is it slightly obvious my boredom with lubby-dubby stories? Yeah. We all have our limits to bubbly-ness and sunshine._

_I know I said ten reviews, but I forgot that I don't write for reviews. I write because I love to… I just like to hear what people think._

* * *

_**Confessions of the Vain and Superficial**_

_Chapter 2: Sam_

I was staring into the mirror. You know, from a certain angle, if you stare at it long enough, my hair almost looks red. And my eyes… they may look brown at first, but sometimes I swear they're green. I'm actually very pretty, you know?

"Can we not spend the entire day staring in the mirror?"

Ugh. Kelly. There are two major differences between the two of us. I think mirrors are fascinating, Kelly can't stand them. It's possible that… well to be perfectly honest, Kelly is kind of plain looking. She's tall, has breasts the size of my head and very pretty eyes; but other than that, I would never classify her as a real beauty. Standing beside her in the mirror… well let's just say that it's a nice little ego boost.

"What's the rush?" I asked, squinting at my reflection as I eyed her out of my peripheral vision. Her eyes were almost always in a state of confused sarcasm. Oh, she's so _ba_-oring!

Kelly itched to just leave me in the bathroom. I could just tell. She kept tapping her foot and biting her bottom lip. Kelly only bites her bottom lip when she's anxious or flustered. Suddenly the lip-biting stopped and she finally burst with what she was trying to say. "Did you have sex with Nick Murdoch?"

I stared at her in the mirror as I slowly adjusted the clips in my hair. "Nope," I replied, clipping a barrette. "Just a little hand action."

Kelly looked truly repulsed. As did the freshman that just happened to be in the bathroom at the time, but quickly shuffled out without washing her hands. Ew. That's so gross.

"Why?" I asked, not really caring what Kelly thought, but secretly hoping she'd ask me more questions. I'm not one to brag, but what girl doesn't like to gossip? "Because, just so you know, he has the biggest-"

"Please don't finish that sentence," Kelly cautioned. I finished it anyway. She merely winced and resumed her lip biting.

I'd been itching to share that little detail all day. Ok, so maybe I already had, but it's just that much more fun to share with a couple of extra people. "So are you like in love with Nick Murdoch?" I asked her, grinning satisfactorily.

"Hell no," she replied sternly, her eyes snapping open and her teeth going back into her mouth.

"Because you're in love with Ryan," I stated with false compassion as I examined my clips. See? I really am pretty. Why else would Nick want to hook up with me? Because I'm hot.

Kelly twitched nervously. She did this every time I mentioned her "feelings" for Ryan. Oh, she's _so_ cliché. She changed the topic. "So are you and Nick an item now?"

I shook my head and let her change subject. We'd been over the Ryan thing nine billion times. Frankly, I was exhausted by it. "You know I don't date, Kelly," I stated matter-of-factly, still with a sickly smile. "Nick was a one-time thing." Ok, call me a tease. I don't really care, because yesterday, with only a simple bathroom encounter, I sent Nick Murdoch's head into a tizzy. He won't be able to get his mind off me. I love that I have that kind of power over him, but I would never date him. I actually had my eye on someone else. "Plus he's a jerk. Why would I waste my time on him?"

I could see the question she was itching to ask: "Then why did you bother with him at all?" But she didn't ask it because she feared the answer. Uh, Kelly is such a push-over. And naïve. I secretly love that about her. Yet again I have the power in this relationship.

But when do I ever _not_ hold all the cards?

The truth is: I bothered with Nick because I like the attention. There I'll admit it. I won't admit it _out loud_, but if you lie to yourself you end a pathetic eighteen year old who still has the same elementary crush. Basically you end up as Kelly.

I'd rather be an attention whore than Kelly.

A successful attention whore, based on the way Nick Murdoch keeps trying to get me alone. A tease, but a _victorious_ tease.

Kelly rolled her eyes in an "I can't believe I'm friends with you" kind of way. I can't see why she'd ever even think that. We've only been friends for, like, _ever_. I'm amazingly loyal, and sure I have the occasional night out without bothering to call her, but I mean she can be a real downer sometimes. "Are we still meeting in the courtyard for lunch?"

Oh. I'm so tired of talking about Kelly! That's all I ever do these days. "Yeah, of course. See ya then, babe." I smiled at her as we finally exited the bathroom and set off to first period, my fake smile disappearing as soon as I turned my back to her.

* * *

Nick Murdoch was trying to get my attention. I rolled my eyes and decidedly looked away. As if. He's so clingy. I hate it when they get clingy. 

I was in Calculus BC class. It was a pretty small class. Most high school kids only get to Calc AB, but there was a select few that far surpassed the intelligence of people like Kelly and Dana.

I smiled wickedly. I love this class and I love this class for one reason only: Ryan Hutch. I strutted across the room and perched myself of the edge of his desk at such an angle that I knew, if he really wanted to, he could look up my skirt. I knew he wouldn't, he was too nice, but I wanted him to have that option, just in case.

"Hey Ryan," I sighed with a smile. "How did you do on that homework?"

Ryan shrugged. "I got most of them. Why? Did you have trouble with any?" Ryan's so nice. He's always willing to help someone out if they need guidance. From what I figure he basically carried Kelly through Pre-Calc.

"Well I had a bit of trouble with number 45," I supplied. I tried to do that finger licking thing that worked wonders on Nick, but Ryan wasn't biting so I settled for my customary hair flip.

"45," Ryan hummed as he shuffled through his notebook to find last night's work. "Oh, yeah I got that one. All you have to do is find the derivative of the position function- that gives you your velocity. Then you have to find the derivative of the velocity, or the double derivative of the position, and plug in the point for x."

I hadn't really been paying attention. That problem was really easy. It was just a stupid review from the beginning of the year to help us refresh before the AP exam. I decided to humor Ryan anyway. He's pretty sexy when he goes into dork mode. "Thanks Ryan," I smiled sweetly. That's how Ryan likes them: sweet. Or at least I assume… "How would I ever survive without you?"

Ryan smiled. He looked so proud of himself.

I winked and shuffled back to my desk, ignoring the murderous stares of Nick Murdoch.

* * *

I met up with Dana at the beginning of lunch. If there was one girl in school I would kill to be, it's Dana. She's so calm and collected, and I'm like way smarter than her, but what guy cares how intelligent you are? They care about what you can do with your body, and Dana can do it all. 

"Hey Dana!" I sounded a bit like a cheerleader as I leaned against the locker beside hers and smiled. "How are you?"

Dana shoved her books in her bag and smiled in return. "Totally awesome! I'm, like,_ so_ psyched about school ending. What about you?"

I shrugged. "Stressed about exams, but still really excited about summer. And _graduating_."

Dana smiled, but I could see her attention drifting as her eyesight wandered down the hallway.

Kelly has never liked Dana, which I find to be really odd for two reasons: One, Kelly is in love with Dana's_ twin_ brother, and two, Dana is like so incredibly sweet. I think she might just be jealous of Dana, because Dana's so pretty, but who isn't jealous of Dana?

Secretly, I too am kind of envious of Dana. She's just so confident and so good with guys. I don't know a single person that would pass up on a night with Dana… except Kelly, who thinks she's a conceited whore. Dana is, like, anything but. She's incredibly thoughtful.

"So," Dana sighed as she stared at the young, freshman Biology teacher as he strutted down the hall, "I have to, like, go meet a teacher, or, like, I'd sit with you for lunch."

I sighed. See? She's incredibly sweet. "Oh it's okay. I was going to go see if I can find your brother anyway."

"Yeah, whatever," she quipped as she drifted off and followed in the wake of the smoldering teacher as if she were attached to him by string. I always thought that Dana was more studious than people give her credit for.

I wandered the opposite way down the hallway, toward the cafeteria. I had only one goal in mind and that was to find Ryan. This was proving difficult in our expansive cafeteria, but I eventually noticed Bobby coming out of the lunch line and followed him to the table Ryan was saving for him. Kelly still wasn't there. This was unbelievably perfect.

"Hey guys, psyched about AP exams?" I asked, taking the seat beside Ryan that Kelly normally occupies.

Ryan shrugged. "Yep, ready to be done."

Bobby twitched and shoved some pizza into his mouth. "Yeah, but I still have so much I want to do before school gets out," he replied through his disgusting mouthful of Pizza. He was obviously referencing his freshman vow to ask out Dana before he graduated, but it'd been almost four years and no action had been made on that front. I can see why; Dana is _way_ out of his league.

Ryan smiled at Bobby. He too, obviously caught Bobby's meaning, but who wouldn't? You'd have to be blind, deaf and dumb to not know that Bobby was in love with Dana.

"Where's Kelly?" Ryan asked looking around the cafeteria wildly. "She should be here by now." Ugh. Ryan was the only person in the world that would be upset about Kelly not being present. How can someone be that caring and still not realize that Kelly is in love with him? Talk about being blind, deaf and dumb…

I shrugged even though I knew I'd told her that I'd meet her in the courtyard. I was planning on just pretending that I'd forgotten. I had a mission to accomplish. "I really don't know. Perhaps she got lost?"

Ryan laughed. "Lost? She's only been going to this school for four years. What are the odds of her getting lost?"

I appreciated his amusement by my little joke. Normally only Kelly can make him laugh. Bobby just rolled his eyes and scanned the cafeteria looking for Dana.

"So Ryan," I sighed, ignoring Bobby and reverting back to my customary hair-flick. "Did you have a date for prom yet?"

Ryan shook his head. Bobby's eyes stopped wandering and snapped onto me. He raised an eyebrow. I stepped on his foot under the table. If he even said the name "Kelly," I'd kill him.

"Well, I was wondering," I drawled, playing coy. "Well, I mean I didn't have a date either… And if you want to…" I giggled in fake nerves.

Ryan played into my plan beautifully. "You want to go to prom with me?" he asked, sounding slightly dumbfounded.

I nodded. "Only if you want to…"

Suddenly, Ryan smiled. Did Kelly ever mention his amazing smile? She can wax on and on about his smile. And she's actually kind of right. He has dimples. How adorable is that!

Ryan tugged on his curls. "Yeah," he replied as he continued to grin, "that sounds like a great idea! I'd love to go to prom with you."

Mission accomplished.

* * *

_As I've mentioned before, all of these characters are based off of real people. Sadly enough. These are mostly real conversations I've heard/ had (eek). Also, you'll do well to remember that just because someone thinks one way, doesn't mean that that's the same person that they display to the world. I think Sam is a bigger bitch than she seems to people. Except how Kelly sees her. I think Kelly would have to be an idiot to not think that Sam's a bitch._

_Next Chapter: Kelly._


	3. Kelly

_**Confessions of the Vain and Superficial**_

_Chapter 3: Kelly_

Oh great. Another B on another essay. You know, this kind of sub-par monotony can really drive a girl insane. Sam grinned widely and shot me a thumbs-up across the room. I gave one in reply. Sam does not need to know that she did better than me on yet another essay. Her ego is big enough without my help.

"How'd you do?" Nick asked grabbing my paper and flipping it over to see my grade. "An 88. Not bad."

I gave him a look of pure skepticism. "Not bad?" I echoed in mingled shock and loathing. "What did you get?"

Nick grinned and flipped his essay over. 89. You have got to be kidding me. "Better luck next time, kid," he replied, pure cockiness as he pulled out his text book. Oh he's so egotistical. And obsessed with Sam from what she says, although according to Sam, everybody is obsessed with her.

"Mrs. Blink!" Dana shouted. "I got, like, a 67? How is that, like, even possible?" Oh Dana. At least there is one person in this class I'm smarter than. Although, Dana is less person and more sex machine. Does that even make sense? No wonder I'm being beaten by Nick on essays. I talk like a freaking idiot.

Ryan and I shared a grin across the room, where he sat, partnered with Sam, and trying not to fall apart in laughter. Poor Ryan. How did he get being stuck related to the village idiot? Better yet, how did he get stuck with her as a twin?

Even better yet, how did I get stuck with the town bicycle as a review partner? Ew, gross! I'm pretty sure Nick was just looking down my shirt. "Should I start wearing turtlenecks, or will you stop doing that?"

Nick's eyes snapped back up. Yep. Who knew there was a face attached to those boobs! "I'm sorry!" He claimed he was sorry, but I highly doubt it. Just five seconds later he asked me if they float.

"If you say one more perverse thing I will poke you in the eye," I growled, zipping up my jacket and hiding my mortified face in my text book. We're supposed to be reviewing, not discussing the buoyancy of breasts.

"In the eye?" Nick never bothered to study. In fact, I don't believe Nick ever got the text book for this class. "I'd much prefer you poked me in other places."

I wasn't sure if that was perverse or not, but I decided to poke him in the eye anyway. Let's face it, the majority of what Nick says is perverted; odds are this was no exception.

Nick put his hand over his accosted eye and groaned in pain. I covered my mouth in further mortification. No matter what my intentions were, I'd never meant to actually poke him. My primal instincts got the better of me. "I'm sorry!" I squeaked as he wiped at his watering eye.

"I know you want to touch me Kelly, but I feel that was the wrong way to go about it."

I laughed, because what else are you supposed to do in such a situation? Plus, it was actually kind of funny to hear Nick say that while rubbing at his watering eye.

Sam and Ryan were staring at us from their group's sections. I guess we were being kind of loud, but I just couldn't stop laughing. Now Nick was laughing too. Laughing and wiping his eye. I only laughed harder. Sam seemed a bit put-out. Oddly enough, so did Ryan.

Or possibly I just wanted Ryan to seem upset. I wanted him to feel jealous that I'd been getting along well with a guy other than him. Hell! I wanted Ryan to feel jealous, period. I wanted him to like me the way I like him. I wanted plenty of things from Ryan. Mostly I just wanted to get the chance to prove to him how great a girlfriend I could be.

But would I? To be honest, I'd never really been a girlfriend. I'd been an obedient friend. I'd been a tutor and an advice prodigy, but I'd never been noticed enough to be a girlfriend. Even by Ryan, my absolute best friend.

Because I, Kelly, am, above all, invisible.

* * *

You see, Ryan will _never_ notice me. He's been blinded by the light. I don't know what Sam is planning, but, not only did she ditch me during lunch yesterday, but, while I was outside sitting alone like a loser and sweating profusely, she asked Ryan to prom. I always knew she was self-absorbed, but she's never acted like a bitch per say. Asking Ryan out when she knows how much I like him, and she plainly does, is just about the worst thing she could do.

I was determined to stay as far away from her as possible.

The tricky part was avoiding Sam whilst not letting on to Ryan that anything was out of the ordinary.

I took my customary seat by Ryan at the cafeteria table and tried not to let my eyes water. You see, there was more to the Ryan thing than I'd ever tell Sam. I was in love with him. Literally, not just silly high school love. I'd tried to get over him and maybe hang out with other guys, but it was just impossible. Ryan was so great. Being around him made falling in love with him so easy.

Which is why I have to get out. Back in October Ryan and I simultaneously submitted our applications to State, planning, just like we had since infancy, to go to school together, but unbeknownst to Ryan I'd also applied to North Carolina. I didn't really think much of it. It was like an impulse. But last week, lo and behold I got in! I know I may seem average, but I push myself really hard and for once something good actually happened to me.

But now I have to make a choice. I can go to North Carolina and maybe have a chance of getting over Ryan and actually being with someone, or I can stay and go to State and hope that someday Ryan will see me as more than just his best friend.

He smiled at me as I sat down. I wish he wouldn't smile. This decision would be so much easier if he didn't smile. Plus, it made me want to cry when he smiled. How could he smile and agree to go to Prom with Sam when I ached so badly for him and only him.

Bobby sat down across from Ryan and me at the table. He'd been looking worse and worse everyday as graduation approached. I felt bad for him. Bobby and I were kind of like kindred spirits. Both of us were in love with one of the Hutch twins. Neither of us had the gall to tell them how we felt.

"Do you want to get together and review for your Calc test?" Ryan asked as he fiddled with his adorable blond curls. Why did he have to be so nice?

I shrugged. To be perfectly honest, AP exams were the furthest thing from my mind lately. I didn't care about reviewing. I just wanted Ryan to go with me to prom and not Sam.

I nodded to Ryan's offer anyway as I watched Bobby stare at Dana as she entered the cafeteria breezily. So maybe I wasn't all that fond of Dana the superficial whore, but, as I said, I felt sorry for Bobby.

"You know what Bobby," I whispered, leaning across the table to be closer to him. "You should ask Dana to prom. And you should do it soon because at any moment someone else could ask her and then all you can do is kick yourself and wonder why you never even gave it a shot."

Bobby stared into my eyes then quickly switched his gaze to Ryan. I knew what he was thinking. I had missed my opportunity with Ryan and soon maybe he too would miss his chance with a Hutch twin. Ryan frowned at my speech as Bobby contemplated his options.

Finally, Bobby smiled slightly and nodded to me, standing from his seat with resolution. For all he knew, this could be his last shot. I hope he fared better then me.

Ryan looked down at me and smiled. "Did you just convince Bobby to ask out my sister?" he asked in awe. "Are you a genie?"

I smiled at him, matching his amazing grin. "Possibly," I grinned as Sam took the seat Bobby had just occupied moments before.

"Hey Prom date," she said smiling maliciously. "Want to go out to dinner with me tonight?"

Ryan's smile was transferred from me to Sam. I wanted to scream. She didn't deserve him. She would just hurt him. She didn't even want him.

I fumed for a moment before I realized I had, once again, been completely forgotten. I left the table and no one even noticed.

* * *

The next day I wore my favorite dress and, for probably the first day in all my time in high school, some makeup. I was determined to get over Ryan. I had made my tearful decision about college last night and today I almost felt liberated. It was time I got over Ryan Hutch.

It was kind of nice. All morning I got compliments and for one of the first times in my life I didn't feel so invisible. But I still felt uncomfortable. Maybe being invisible had its perks. No one ever noticed when I was upset. No one except Ryan that is, but he hardly cared now that he had Sam.

As I sat beside Nick Murdoch in third period Lit, I had this sudden feeling that everything was about to change. I was going to go out into the world all by myself without the shadows of Ryan or Sam or anybody to shroud me from the glaring gaze of the world. I suddenly felt naked and Nick Murdoch staring down my dress wasn't helping.

"What did I say about looking down my top?" I asked as I exasperatedly riffled through my text book.

Nick shrugged. "You look different today, that's all."

I tried to comprehend the way that Nick was looking at me. Guys never looked at me like that. Guys looked at Sam or Dana like that. Not me.

"My boobs have been the same size since I was fourteen, Nick, and that doesn't excuse you staring ostentatiously at them."

Nick shrugged. "I was merely appreciating your natural beauty." For the second day in a row I found Nick and I peeled over in hysterical laughter. It was almost as if we were actually getting along. How very interesting.

I couldn't help myself as I peered over my shoulder to where Ryan and Sam were giggling about something ridiculous. I felt a pang of jealousy. Normally I'm the only one that can make Ryan laugh like that.

I turned a little bit further and to my great relief I saw Bobby smiling excitedly. I hadn't seen Bobby that happy in forever. I smiled back. I couldn't help myself. Things with Dana must have gone well. Maybe the world wasn't as doomed as I thought.

"So," I heard Nick say. He must have been close to me. I could feel his breath against my neck. "How long have you been in love with Ryan Hutch?"

I winced and turned quickly to face him. "What do you mean?"

Nick laughed slightly. "I'm not stupid Kelly. In fact I'm fairly brilliant."

I looked out of my corner of my eye at him. "Brilliant. Right," I pulled sarcastically. Nick smiled. He appreciated my sarcasm.

"Listen Kelly, I'm oddly intrigued by you. I don't know why but I find you to be a very interesting person and so… well, seeing as your primary option has recently been snatched up, I was wondering if you'll go to prom with me."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement. I wanted to slap him across the face, but at that exact moment I heard Sam laugh and looked over to see her flick her hair annoyingly and hit Ryan playfully on the arm. I wanted to rip my eyes out after witnessing her disgusting display. She made me absolutely sick to my stomach.

What was I doing? Sure Nick was a jerk, but would I be saying no to him because I was in love with Ryan and for that reason alone? I'd made myself a vow. I was going to get over Ryan. I couldn't have him.

I'd taken myself out of the public eye, making sure that if Ryan didn't notice me, no one would. Well here I was being noticed. I'd promised myself that I'd get over Ryan. Having a date to prom seemed like the best possible way to do that. I needed to move on. I needed to branch out.

It's not like Nick was asking me to marry him.

I sighed and forced myself to look away from Ryan. It hurt too badly.

"Okay," I finally whispered to Nick. "But I have conditions."

"Conditions?"

I nodded. "First off, we don't tell anyone. I don't want all that shitty gossip and I don't want you making up lies about me being some sort of kinky slut."

Nick shrugged, willing to accept that.

"And," I added holding up a finger to stop him from saying anything. "I want you to know straight up that this doesn't mean that I'll sleep with you."

* * *

_That's Kelly for you. Hmm. Some people said they were confused about who was who. Obviously, Kelly is Fanny and Ryan is Edmund. I think the rest just kind of branch from there._

_Ok. Next chapter: Bobby._


	4. Bobby

_**Confessions of the Vain and Superficial**_

_Chapter 4: Bobby_

I love summer more than anything else in my life for two reasons, and two reasons only.

The first one is obvious. Summer means no school. Summer means graduation. Summer means I'm this close to leaving this godforsaken town.

But Summer also means something else entirely. Summer means shorts.

Now, as a member of the male species, it seems only natural that I would find so much joy in the simple pleasures of an exposed thigh and a nice butt, but for me there's more to it than that. There's Dana. Dana owns what can only be assumed to be the world's shortest pair of shorts. She wears them every year during the summer before she puts them away and I find myself retreating into a shorts-less depression.

They're probably the sexiest pair of shorts I've ever seen.

Don't think me superficial. I like Dana for more than her shorts. I've liked her since elementary school when she kissed me under the jungle gym, then rubbed sand in my eyes and told me I was a "stupid boy." I liked her in middle school when she used to constantly carry around a bag of pixie sticks and pretend they were magic fairy dust. I even like her now, although I think I'm pretty sure that she only sees me as "Ryan's stupid friend."

So what if she's not the brightest crayon in the box. I ignore the vicious rumors that she had sex with Coach Potters in his car sophomore year. I ignore the entire lunch table rolling their eyes whenever I go into "Dana-mode." But I can't ignore her.

And so, after a youth of obsession, I finally got up the gall to ask Dana Hutch to Prom.

She looked at me dubiously, tilted her head to the side and said, "What's your name again?"

"Bobby. Bobby Sanders," I reminded her. There was no light of recognition, so I prodded on with, "You know, Ryan's friend."

"Oh right." She half smiles. "I thought you were gay."

I sputtered. "W-what? I-I'm not g-g-gay!"

"If you say so," she says with a shrug and a comical wink. I didn't laugh. I really _am not_ gay!

"Look, I can prove it!" I practically shout, then instantly regret it. I mean, I can't prove it. I don't think that's the kind of thing that evidence to the contrary can be provided for. Or well, there is one thing I could do, but not in the middle of the cafeteria. Not yet. You see, when you like a girl as much as I like Dana, you don't just go off and sleep with her.

"You can?" she prodded. smiling wickedly.

I scowled and shrugged. "Er, yes."

Dana lightly ran her finger down my arm. It wasn't fair that she had so much power over me. I felt like I was going through puberty again, and had absolutely no control over my body. I was all prickly and well... horny. I can't help it. It's a natural instinct.

"Then prove it," she commanded whispering in my ear, her entire body pressed up against me. You see? Not fair.

I gulped and filled my brain with the most disturbing images I could think of. _Shaquille O'Neil all sweaty. The Queen of England doing a strip tease. DANA NAKED! DANA NAKED! DANA NAKED!_

Ok. That didn't work.

I gulped again. "Ok," I agreed, finally giving in, but simultaneously stepping away. "I'll prove it-" I backed away again as she approached "-on Prom night."

Dana tilted her head to the side, then smiled seductively. "Ok," she agreed finally. "See you then." She licked her lips one last time and smiled before she made her way.

My heart was thumping a mile a minute. I quickly grabbed my books off the table I'd set them on and held them in front of my torso, but not before the girls sitting right there could notice and share a few embarrassing giggles. Oh well! What did I care? I pumped my fists in joy.

I had a date, and Dana was going to have sex with me on Prom night. There is a god!

* * *

It was two days later and I was still basking in the glow of my accomplishment. Our final AP Exam had taken place that very morning and Ryan, Kelly and I were celebrating the end of the end with a couple of milkshakes at the local diner.

"...And that's why I'm going to marry your sister," I concluded.

Ryan looked back at me trough blank, doubtful eyes. "Because she looks good in shorts? Doesn't that seem a bit..."

"Superficial?" Kelly concluded for him. Ok, I'm rooting for Kelly to get Ryan as much as the next guy, but c'mon! They even complete each other's sentences. It's kind of sickening. Kelly looks over her shoulder at Ryan and they share a secret smile, as if it's all just some kind of inside joke. I contemplate hurling my milkshake at the two of them.

I think the only person that doesn't know they're supposed to end with each other is Ryan. And possibly Sam. Now I like Sam, I really truly do, but what kind of bitch asks out the guy their best friend is in love with? I don't know much, but even I know that's cruel.

"You can't marry Dana because she looks good in shorts, Bobby," Kelly proclaims. "If that were your only standard, then you might as well marry Ryan."

"It's true. I do look good in shorts," Ryan admits in a girlish voice and Kelly and him crack up. I just gag.

"Listen man, I'm pretty sure that Prom night is when it's all going to go down," I announced.

Kelly just blew a bubble in her water glass.

"You mean your morals?" Ryan asked.

"Or your self-respect?" Kelly added.

"Your standards?" Ryan again.

"No," I interrupted. "My virginity."

Simultaneously, Ryan's and Kelly's faces screwed up in disgust.

"Dude. That's my sister," Ryan sputtered, still quite disgusted.

Kelly dipped her fingers in her water glass and flicked some of the drops on Ryan. "Let's not be naive, Ry. We all know she's no bubbling, virgin bride."

Ryan shuddered anyway. "Still, gross image."

Kelly rolled her eyes, and chugged down the rest of her drink, shoving two more fries into her mouth, and pushing the rest of her plate toward Ryan to munch on. She then pulled out her wallet and dug through it for a ten dollar bill.

"Are you leaving?" Ryan asked dumbly and she lay the money on the table for Sandra, our regular waitress.

Kelly nodded. "Yep, I'm going shopping this afternoon."

"For what?" I asked. "A new skateboard deck?"

"A paintball gun?" Ryan added.

"The new Grand Theft Auto game!" I shouted in glee.

"Dude, sweet," Ryan agreed, sealing our excitement with a high-five.

"No," Kelly said clearly dashing our delight. "A dress."

Ryan's face screwed up. "A dress? You hate dresses. You never wear them."

Kelly scowled. "Dude, I just wore a dress on Wednesday. I stopped hating dress in seventh grade. You two are just too clueless to notice."

She said two, but I knew she only meant Ryan. Although, I was too clueless to notice, I wasn't too clueless to notice that it was thoughts of Ryan that made Kelly dress nice every morning. Chicks love that kind of thing.

"What kind of dress are you getting?" I asked, my mouth full from a giant bite of my cheeseburger.

Kelly smirked. "Oh, you know. The nice kind."

"I think that was the ambiguous statement of the year," Ryan decided, scarfing down Kelly's fries.

I just lifted an eyebrow. There was something else that I wasn't too clueless to notice and that was Kelly's victorious smirk. "A Prom dress?" I asked.

Kelly's smile widened. "Perhaps," she replied.

Ryan look up at her. "You're still going? I think that's great. Did you still want to come with our group even though you'll be the only one without a date?"

Kelly shrugged. "Oh, you know. Whatever."

You know, for an inverted dig at her confidence, Kelly seemed to be taking it very well. In fact, she was still quite smiley. I hadn't seen her grin like that since Ryan said that she was "pretty in a different way" to her Sophomore year.

I eyed her suspiciously. Kelly and her secrets... They never end well.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," she proclaimed before sliding out of our booth and jingling the door open.

I blinked at Ryan as he continued to scarf down all traces of food left on the table. "Something's up with her," I concluded aloud, hoping maybe Ryan might sit up and pay attention.

Ryan looked up at me. "There's nothing up with her."

"She seemed different."

"No she didn't. Plus, what could be wrong. It's just Kelly."

I scowled. You know, my best friend is kind of an idiot. I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed crinkled up money out of my pocket.

"Are you leaving too?"

I nodded and climbed out of the booth, but before I left I looked down at him and said, because no one else would, "You know, Kelly isn't going to wait around for you forever."

* * *

I don't like traditions, under normal circumstances, but for Prom I think I'll make an exception. I had every reason to be excited. I had the girl of my dreams with a penchant for plunging necklines waiting to dance the night away with me and do who knows what afterwards.

I happily put on my penguin suit and smiled at my reflection in the mirror. All of my awkward tendencies had lessened tremendously over the last four years, and I could now look at my reflection with a bit of pride.

I no longer wore my thick rimmed glasses. My mother had finally given in and gotten me contacts. My braces had come off about six months ago and now my teeth were quite shiny and white. My summer tan was starting to kick in and, in a matter of time, all those extra weights I've been lifting would finally pay off.

This was it. I wasn't a little kid any more. I'm a man, and tonight was going to prove that.

I called my mother to come tie my tie for me and drive me over to the Hutch's house for pictures.

Yep, tonight was the first night of the rest of my life, and my first night of life with my dream girl.

* * *

_Hey, guys! This story was all written and everything, but it got lost in the Great Computer Crash. But I'm hoping to just get it written periodically. Or possibly within the next week. It's pretty short, but it's hard to re-write it all. I was pretty happy with where it was at first._

_Ok, thanks for waiting for it._

_Next: Dana._


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